Archive for the ‘Health’ Category

39

Posted: July 19, 2016 in Health
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Happy Sweet 39 To Me!

Well another year has come and gone. And tonight I sit here, after a wonderful day of celebration, evaluating the past year and contemplating the year to come. As you may or may not know, I battle depression. I was working at a job I greatly enjoyed until the depression began to win: I have spent the past few months healing. One of the effects of depression is the loss of interest in stuff, even in the things you once loved greatly, like reading and blogging. But with time, support, and medication, my interest in life is coming back. I have a lot of book reviews to catch up on, some good and some not so good.

I have great hopes that being 39 is going to be the best yet. I am extremely lucky to have a family that loves, supports and encourages me. 

Learning To Manage

Posted: October 28, 2014 in Health
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It’s not a cut on my finger that needs to be healed, it’s a mental illness.
I am intelligent, so I should know how to control my own self.
But some days the wiring in my brain spins my world out of control.
I want nothing more than to be “normal”, but what does that even mean?
Learning to manage day by day, even minute by minute, means learning myself.

So who am I?
I am patient and forgiving, but not of myself.
I am observant and responsive, but not of myself.
I am caring and kind, but not to myself.
Such is my journey. Learning to manage.

An Anniversary of Sorts

Posted: November 11, 2013 in Health
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About this time a year ago, my whole world collapsed. All the walls I had spent 35 years meticulously building were no longer keeping the pain out, but they were keeping love and acceptance out. I felt alone, hopeless, and helpless. I couldn’t face even one more day. I was broken.

Then I asked for help. I begged for it. I craved it. I realized, through weeks of individual and group therapy, that I mattered. With all my flaws, weaknesses, imperfections, and quirks…I mattered. I matter.

I survived. And I am thriving. Every day I wake up excited to see my family and smell the morning air, eager to go to work and face a new challenge.

I haven’t made it this far with duct tape and paperclips. I have had amazing support system, both pushing me to grow and comforting me while I heal.

It was both a difficult and enlightening year; I learned about life and living in this scary, crazy, unpredictable, imperfect world.

The Weekend

Posted: October 27, 2013 in Health
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Have you ever found a spot in this world that helped you heal?
Have you ever found that spot 10 miles from your own home?

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Time slowed the moment I entered the doors. A minute in the secret place must have been hours in the real world. The peace within this world calmed the chaos of my mind. Hours of indulgent luxury served as balm for my bruised soul.

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Safe in the secret-cloud words of authentic truth are shared; finally to feel exposed yet unafraid. A voice I never knew grows strong when powered by vulnerability.

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I slowly stand; my feet firm my back straight. The ground solid and footing sure. I am enough

I’m imperfect & I’m enough.

40 Days and Nights

Posted: October 15, 2013 in Health
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In a little over 40 days we go on our biggest GeoCaching adventure yet. The excitement on Team Storey is great. As is my anxiety of being prepared for the physicality of the excursion. I am not setting myself up for a battle with the scale, but for a Battle of the Bulge instead.

3500 calories burned = 1 pound loss. It’s harder to judge how many calories I will need to expend to lose an inch of fat.  But whatever it is, it doesn’t include eating snickers and drinking soda.

Is assigning a specific poundage-loss goal more effective than an abstract desire to simply feel better? I know that in 40 days I won’t be shredded, I will never be fit for a Sports Illustrated spread; I accept that as my reality. In My Matrix, however, I feel good, really good. And so I will.

Sweat.

Meditation.

Control.

40 days. 40 nights.

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"What's a motto with you?"

I Wish Cookies Didn’t Taste So Good

Posted: September 30, 2013 in Health
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Let me give you the abridged version of the life long battle I have fought with food. I was “husky” in my tween years, a bit chubby but very active. As I aged out of playing backyard football and climbing trees I gained weight. I remember one time, around the age of 15, I was on a diet along with my mom and grandmother. I had reached the second week of tuna, cottage cheese and….beets…and was allowed 10 little pretzels. I had never tasted anything as good as those pretzels.

In my late teens and early 20s I was single, lived on my own, cooked for myself, and worked at a company with an on site gym and pool. It’s easy (alright alright, EASIER) to become a gym rat under those conditions. I took aerobics classes, worked out on the machines and free weights, I played volleyball and basketball, and I swam. When I left I could make up a little tuna and call it a night. I was fit and lean.

And then in my mid 20s I was sidelined with a heart condition. I had to begin taking medications, I had surgeries, more medications, and no gym. I gained weight, and more weight, and more.

I continue to fight this battle; somewhere inside me there is still a 20 year old begging to go to the gym. In a single breath I could give a dozen excuses why I continue to gain weight. But boiling it all down, I am left with the truth; which is cookies are too damned good.

So, it’s a lovely Saturday morning and I am back in my cozy Barnes and Noble chair, reading and weighing myself against the universe; this chair pulled up close against the wide window, the clear view of open Texas sky, the soft music playing at the edge of my consciousness, and my thoughts. Surrounded by thousands of books, I let myself go anywhere that calls to me.

Sitting here in this chair, surrounded by thousands of fictional friends, I feel strong. I feel that any decisions I make from this throne will be followed through, without question and without exception. But I will eventually have to leave my throne, I will become common once again. I fear the loss of the control I gain in my temporary world; as soon as I leave this world and step outside, noise rushes in. The noise of traffic and airplanes and the buzz of millions of voices; the decisions and the checkout lines; the the responsibility that comes with existing in the outside world.

I will miss my Saturday Morning World when I leave, but go home to a true life, a wife that loves and protects me, a son that makes me proud.